What To Do When You Are Emotionally Overwhelmed
By Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD
Pause and Then Remind Yourself You are Safe
When you initially realize you are emotionally overwhelmed, the first thing to do is pause. Then look around and remind yourself you are safe. When you feel overwhelmed, your body can’t really distinguish between feeling overwhelm because you worked too much this week, said yes to too many extras, are going through a rough life patch, or are in the middle of a war or famine. Sometimes, especially when we have too much on our plates, our primal brain takes over and our body processes emotional, family, or work stress as an emergency when it is not. When this happens, pause and tell yourself you are safe. Even if it’s something silly you say to yourself like, “Body, I am safe, there are no monsters here, just a lot of overwhelm.” You can even follow this with simple reminder to yourself, “I got this!”
Once you’ve paused and given yourself a safety check, take a breath, do a meditation, or some really yummy self-care like an Epsom salt bath. The internet and the app stores are full of resources of meditation for everything under the sun. I used to recommend specific meditations or guided relaxation exercises but overtime I have found that people usually find what works for them if the take a quick look. If I recommend something, people often find they are annoyed or disinterested in what I picked but they do find something that speaks to them—a true testament to everyone having their own style.
When I am emotionally overwhelmed I like to simply call my energy back to myself and then imagine all the places I’ve given or left energy. That quick run through of all the places I’ve been and things I’ve done in that day or week and the image of myself scooping up my imaginal energy and putting back in my own body is a great way to calm my overwhelmed self when I am out of energy. It’s almost like a reset to my body. Try it!
If you aren’t safe, that is your first order of business is to get yourself somewhere safe. Most of the time when we are emotionally overwhelmed we are perfectly safe and simply overwhelmed by other things, however if this is not the case, get yourself out of whatever situation you are in and then begin the process of calming down. Your body will not calm if you are unsafe.
Keep Up on Basic Self-Care
When you are overwhelmed, do a basics check-in. On first glance this seems like a no-brainer but really, routine self-care is the first thing to go when we are emotionally overwhelmed. So often people drop eating, drinking water, exercise, hygiene, and sleep when they are overwhelmed emotionally or pressed for time.
Hangry is a thing. Sometimes having a snack or a meal changes the whole entire shape of the day. I know some medical professionals who would advise everyone to carry a packet of nuts and a juice box around with them at all times. This can help with anxiety as well as people who get irritable when their blood sugars are low. Often when we are stressed we put off eating or just don’t think of it and this lack of attendance to a basic need just adds to our stress and takes away ability to respond well.
Drink some water. Water is life. Without it, we cannot survive and yet a surprising number of people do not drink enough water. This is especially true when emotionally overwhelmed or stressed. If you are a person who does not love water, find a flavored water, add some fruit or safe to ingest essential oils, or herbal tea. It might surprise you what a great reset a tall, perfectly temped glass of water can be. I have a friend who, when she is stressed, drinks enough water to feel it slosh in her stomach and then does her two favorite yoga poses and finds she can conquer the next thing on her list so much better than she thought.
I think my friend’s combo emphasizes a principle that is so helpful when thinking about self-care because it is simple and pared down. Sometimes, whether it’s a day or a season, we simply cannot do all the things we need and want to do to feel well. In those cases I recommend truncating what you’d normally do. Just because you can’t do your normal exercise routine or haven’t been to the gym in 3 years, does not mean you can’t do something each day. Even five minutes of physical activity can give the benefits that are often touted. For me, a brisk walk when I’m feeling overwhelmed can clear my head and reset my emotions. For you, it might be a set of jumping jacks in your office between tasks. My clients know that I’m a big fan of the five minute dance break. Find your favorite high energy song and dance your heart out. You can do this on a break at work, in the car (if you are careful), in the kitchen while cooking dinner, while you get ready in the morning, or with your kids in the insane time after school before dinner!
Physical activity can also help with sleep if that has been poor. The best thing I’ve done for myself so far this year is watch this video about sleep with Dr. Mark Hyman and Shawn Stevenson. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LERJSdRdeB0 I was reminded about tips and tricks for sleep and learned additional information about exercise and sleep. Just five minutes in the morning can improve sleep. This is great news for people who can’t or don’t like to do morning exercise. Research has shown that exercising in the morning is what improves sleep but most people think they have to fit their whole routine into the day for it to be effective. Not true. Sleep is one of the most important things to protect in stressful times. This is especially true when grieving, anxious, or otherwise feeling emotional. Sleep is the time our minds process difficult things and our bodies heal from stress. Eight to ten hours a night is best for stressful times.
Hygiene is the last major area of basic self-care most of us neglect when we are overwhelmed emotionally. While cutting back on things is prudent when we are adjusting our schedules or energy to accommodate stress, don’t cut hygiene practices entirely. You’ll feel terrible. Plus we need those moments to have natural pauses in the day. Keep brushing your teeth and washing your face. Even if it’s a busy season or you don’t have time to shave and wash your hair on the same day, you’ll feel better if you do one. Go to the bathroom regularly even when you are busy with projects. And depending on how you get there, you might even be able to get extra steps in and a drink of water on the way back. In the least, do a check to see that you aren’t neglecting the area of taking care of basic self-care items because these are often the first to go and the most important.
Keep Things SUPER Simple
Simply put, when we are feeling overwhelmed, this is our body’s way of saying the stress bucket is about to overflow (or already is). If you find yourself flooded with emotion at a strange time or unable to recover from something you’d usually bounce back from, it is time to look at how you can make things easier for yourself. Whether the source of your emotional overwhelm is a loss of some kind, a too busy of a schedule, or just a bad day, give yourself the grace of eliminating whatever stressors you can. Can dinner be simple? Can you reschedule a couple of lesser important items this week? What can you cut out or get help with?
For my clients who are entrepreneurial or business owners, I recommend Kate Northrup’s business collective. Go to http://origincollective.com to get on the waitlist and to watch the videos describing the program. I really love the principles in Kate’s book Do Less: A Revolutionary Approach to Time and Energy Management for Busy Moms. Sometimes just learning a few tricks on how to spend your energy can make all the difference in not getting overwhelmed in the first place (and recovering faster when you do).
Check Your Nutritional Support
If you’ve been taking care of your basic self-care items and cutting out extraneous items and still feel emotionally overwhelmed you may be nutritionally depleted or just need an extra boost of help. For my female clients, I recommend Aviva Romm’s website https://avivaromm.com more than any other except for maybe Alissa Vitti’s book Woman Code and app called MyFlo (you can find her work at https://www.floliving.com). I recommend these items more than any other because they help my clients (and friends, family, and sometimes strangers) address the issues that are impacting them the most. I especially recommend Dr. Romm’s article and podcast episode on Magnesium for Women. Magnesium is one of the major things that can support us when we are anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed. (It can help men too!)
When we are depleted, we are less resilient. Checking into things such as protein, minerals, and vitamins can be a great place to boost your natural resiliency. Stress and overwhelm can also contribute to something I commonly see with clients. Craving or eating sweets and the mineral depletion that comes from eating sugar and simply from being stressed can weaken our resiliency. We crave certain things when we are stressed for many reasons but the reason its problematic is that sugar causes inflammation that can worsen mental and physical problems we may have and it depletes things like magnesium and other helpful nutrients. We can meet our needs for comfort foods and drinks without weakening our reserves
Get More Support
When we are emotionally overwhelmed we need support the most. Whether from friends, family, pets, hobbies, or a professional, getting support is imperative when overwhelm last for more than a quick few minutes. A DIY approach is not helpful when we are carrying the big burdens in life.
Reach out to your friends. So often when we need our friends the most, we are the busiest or feeling the most cutoff from them. Even if you feel guilty because whatever has you so overwhelmed has kept you from spending time with your friends or chatting them up, still reach out with a quick update or a message to let the know you are thinking about them. Just reaching out can often boost our mood a bit and then you never know what support might flow back later on.
Family is often complex. Sometimes there’s obligation and a there’s always history. However, there’s usually at least one family member who gets whatever thing is happening or could at least lend an ear. Don’t worry about being a burden, that’s what family is for. Be sure to choose a safe member and even if you don’t tell them what has you overwhelmed, you can get connection and love from them.
Maybe your friends or family are the source of your stress and what you need is actually a break from them. This is where pets and hobbies come in to play. No one in my life loves me with less condition than my dog. No matter how stressed I am or how long it’s been since we hit the dog park, she is by my side. This is why so many of us have pets. Cuddle your furry friends when you are overwhelmed or look at pics of them if you are away (this works with pics of your kids too!). Our bodies respond with comforting neurotransmitters when we see our pets. If you don’t have pets but love animals, this is where the puppy and kitty videos come in to play! There’s scientific proof that pets calm us when we are stressed.
Hobbies are another thing that can be calming. Even if you don’t have time to engage in them, thinking about your next craft project, jam session, dream vacation, or other hobby can get you through stressful times. I often recommend creating a de-stress Pinterest board you can add things to when you need a moment of calm. I like to pin dream vacations while listening to spa music.
There are seasons where even a combination of the above will not touch our emotional overwhelm. In those times we may need professional support. Whether acupuncture, therapy, massage, spiritual, or nutritional support, at times we all need that expert to guide us to move into a better space. People often tell me they put off coming to therapy because they didn’t want to be weak. In my opinion this is a false belief. Knowing when to seek help is actually a strength. People are not meant to do everything on their own. We need community, helpers, and support. It’s just part of the lifecycle. Sometimes we are the helper and sometimes we are the one needing support.
That being said, sometimes all you need is to pause for a moment, take in your surroundings and remind yourself you can do it! You can do it!