The Goldfish Problem

by Danielle Jenkins, PsyD

I’m constantly talking to my clients about the idea that kids and their needs are like goldfish. Goldfish grow to whatever size container you give them. They can get huge. Same with children and their needy, snack-begging ways. These little people you lovingly made a five-course rainbow colored meal for will drop food in the randomest of places only to beg and borrow snacks of all kinds less than 30 minutes later in convincing narration of starvation.
 
These little ones we give our all to will ask what are we are doing next after you’ve gone ice skating, baked cookies, make holiday cards, decorated eggs, painted ornaments, and watched 7 movies. Don’t even get me started on the snacks. Have I mentioned the snacks? 
 
Kids will take and take and take and keep taking until we tell them no. It's what they are supposed to do. They will have one existential crisis after another until we and they are used up....
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What To Do When You Are Emotionally Overwhelmed

By Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD

Pause and Then Remind Yourself You are Safe

When you initially realize you are emotionally overwhelmed, the first thing to do is pause. Then look around and remind yourself you are safe. When you feel overwhelmed, your body can’t really distinguish between feeling overwhelm because you worked too much this week, said yes to too many extras, are going through a rough life patch, or are in the middle of a war or famine. Sometimes, especially when we have too much on our plates, our primal brain takes over and our body processes emotional, family, or work stress as an emergency when it is not. When this happens, pause and tell yourself you are safe. Even if it’s something silly you say to yourself like, “Body, I am safe, there are no monsters here, just a lot of overwhelm.” You can even follow this with simple reminder to yourself, “I got this!”

Once you’ve paused and given yourself a safety check, take a breath, do...

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