The Goldfish Problem

by Danielle Jenkins, PsyD

I’m constantly talking to my clients about the idea that kids and their needs are like goldfish. Goldfish grow to whatever size container you give them. They can get huge. Same with children and their needy, snack-begging ways. These little people you lovingly made a five-course rainbow colored meal for will drop food in the randomest of places only to beg and borrow snacks of all kinds less than 30 minutes later in convincing narration of starvation.
 
These little ones we give our all to will ask what are we are doing next after you’ve gone ice skating, baked cookies, make holiday cards, decorated eggs, painted ornaments, and watched 7 movies. Don’t even get me started on the snacks. Have I mentioned the snacks? 
 
Kids will take and take and take and keep taking until we tell them no. It's what they are supposed to do. They will have one existential crisis after another until we and they are used up....
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Pandemic Lemonade

by Danielle D. Jenkins, PsyD

 

School is....starting?

So many parents have been struggling with what to do about schooling within the framework of a global pandemic. Many families have to have the only parent or both parents working to make it financially. Even in families where there is a parent staying home, what to do about school has not been an easy decision. As with many parenting decisions, there are some people out there who seem so confident that their decision is the best one (for them and everyone else). And it can feel like there’s someone who is going to judge you for whichever decision you make. The reality is that very few people have a choice that feels good right now.

This means many of us are in a situation of making lemonade, which can be hard work. Doing things you don’t want to do is not fun. It takes creativity, which for many parents is in short supply since March. We have already used it up with the solutions we’ve come up with for...

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Self-care stacking

By Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD

Moms are burned out. That was true before the pandemic. It’s even more true now. Sure, there are some families who are benefitting from less running around but for the most part women are talking about being maxed out or at their breaking points. It makes sense. Most of us are running in a deficit of self-care in normal times. Now it’s even worse.

So what’s a mom to do? Self-care, rest, and prioritizing health is the solution to burnout. So how do you do this when the gyms, salons, and spas are closed and you have to mask up to go to the happiest place on earth (Target obviously!)? Of course we willingly cut back on possible exposures and deny ourselves further. So how do we not only survive but maybe even thrive.

With a little trick I like to call self-care stacking. Let’s say you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and are ready to fight the world from the first moment. This is where the stacking comes in. If you are having a...

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Three Things to Do Right Now if You are Struggling

By Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD

If you are having a rough day, having a simple recipe of self-care and self-nurturance can help immensely. I can remember this day as if it were yesterday even though it was probably close to ten years ago. I was losing my sh*t and I sent the SOS to my best friend. I don’t even remember what was overwhelming at the time. Maybe a break up or the perils of grad school. I don’t know. What I do know is that when I called my friend, she had a plan for me and it was immensely helpful to have someone tell me what to do to ground myself.

My friend encouraged me to do my 3 favorite yoga poses, drink water until it sloshes around, and to go outside even if it was just to check the mail (she knows how much I love getting mail). Having a list of “to dos” that was quick, supportive of my body, and tailored to me in that moment was incredibly helpful. I think back to that day, doing my favorite yoga poses in the kitchen with a belly full of...

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What To Do When You Are Emotionally Overwhelmed

By Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD

Pause and Then Remind Yourself You are Safe

When you initially realize you are emotionally overwhelmed, the first thing to do is pause. Then look around and remind yourself you are safe. When you feel overwhelmed, your body can’t really distinguish between feeling overwhelm because you worked too much this week, said yes to too many extras, are going through a rough life patch, or are in the middle of a war or famine. Sometimes, especially when we have too much on our plates, our primal brain takes over and our body processes emotional, family, or work stress as an emergency when it is not. When this happens, pause and tell yourself you are safe. Even if it’s something silly you say to yourself like, “Body, I am safe, there are no monsters here, just a lot of overwhelm.” You can even follow this with simple reminder to yourself, “I got this!”

Once you’ve paused and given yourself a safety check, take a breath, do...

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