Pandemic Lemonade

by Danielle D. Jenkins, PsyD

School is....starting?

So many parents have been struggling with what to do about schooling within the framework of a global pandemic. Many families have to have the only parent or both parents working to make it financially. Even in families where there is a parent staying home, what to do about school has not been an easy decision. As with many parenting decisions, there are some people out there who seem so confident that their decision is the best one (for them and everyone else). And it can feel like there’s someone who is going to judge you for whichever decision you make. The reality is that very few people have a choice that feels good right now.

This means many of us are in a situation of making lemonade, which can be hard work. Doing things you don’t want to do is not fun. It takes creativity, which for many parents is in short supply since March. We have already used it up with the solutions we’ve come up with for childcare, getting self-care, grocery shopping, and rearranging travel plans. This sounds awful and at times feels undoable.

The reality is, parents have been figuring out the unfigureoutable for all of time. We can do this. We’ve got it. Here are some ideas for how to go back to school with your best lemonade no matter what your district, family, and naysayers have going on.

Self-care

Parents need self-care all the time but especially now. By self-care I mean taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. So many parents, especially moms, have been denying their own needs even more than usual since the start of the pandemic. This is unsustainable. Your body and mind need to be nourished so you can take care of your children. At some point if you do not fill yourself up and keep giving and giving, you will run out of energy and your health will suffer. I am concerned that if parents do not make sure to rest and give to themselves, we will see an increase is autoimmune disorders and other severe health and mental health disorders. These are already alarmingly high in women.

Self-care doesn’t have to be extreme. Sometimes it’s just a mind shift. Sometimes it means you have to steal time away to read a book that is just for pleasure. Other times it means cancelling something so you can take a nap. Even other times it might mean you have to reach out for help or support. A huge kindness and self-care is letting some things go. Maybe you can put off a difficult task until you are feeling up to it or maybe you are just a so-so employee for a bit instead of doing your job and everyone else’s.

Connection

We need real connection. This is hard right now. I believe it is part of why some people are not following COVID recommendations. We may not be able to get the hugs and support we are usually reliant on right now. Yet, we must figure out how to be connected to others, in part because we are under a lot of stress.  Humans are tribal. We need to have connection and community especially in times of stress and change.

I know a lot of us are maxed out with Zoom. That’s okay. If you don’t want to Zoom with the family, you can connect in other ways. A socially distanced stroll in the park, an old school phone call without video, or even a letter or email. The point is to remind ourselves that we are not alone in our struggles.

Anxiety reduction and immune boosting

As we embark on a school year that feels frustrating or overwhelming, it is important to boost our immune systems and be as healthy as can be. Stress and overwhelm compromise immunity. Healthy foods, good supplements, and exercise are components of what helps us to be healthy. Each of us have a different combination that works for us and we should strive to put into play, but neglecting our health because we feel stressed is going to make things worse.

Anxiety reduction is going to help us feel better, be more productive, and most importantly boost immunity. There are so many ways to reduce anxiety but a few are EFT/tapping, deep breathing, self-care and exercise, and meditation. When you find yourself overwhelmed about the myriad of concerns related to back to school 2020, take some deep breaths and remind yourself that no one knows exactly what is best 100% of the time.

Don’t compare a time of crisis to a time of peace

People keep saying that kids will be behind if we don’t do x, y, z. My response is always “behind what?” Most kids in the world are being affected by the pandemic on some level. And to be honest, I’m not a real fan of the idea of “being behind” in regards to child (and human) development anyway. Western culture is so time and numbers focused, yet we know that children develop at their own rates even in the best of circumstances. “But what about socialization,” you might ask? Your child is socializing with you and if they are going back to school in the classroom or you have created a homeschool pod, they have those children to interact with. Maybe some of us will develop some social quirks or social anxieties, but hopefully we will also develop resiliency too.

This is a time of crisis. We can band together (socially distanced of course) or we can try to muddle through on our own. It’s okay to be a little frightened and uncertain. We can’t expect ourselves to just do everything exactly the same as we’ve always done. We can’t expect to feel peace when there is so much uncertainty. The important thing is to get to a place where we and our kids can feel as calm and confident as possible. Adjusting expectations can be helpful. Things are gonna be bumpy for a while. Think of an airplane ride. Turbulence isn’t always fun but it feels better when the pilot is able to tell us it’s coming rather than to be surprised by it. So this is me telling you that things are going to be a bit rough off and on for a while. It won’t always be that way but for the next few months or even a year or so, things will be a bit bumpy and turbulent.