Three Things to Do Right Now if You are Struggling

By Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD

If you are having a rough day, having a simple recipe of self-care and self-nurturance can help immensely. I can remember this day as if it were yesterday even though it was probably close to ten years ago. I was losing my sh*t and I sent the SOS to my best friend. I don’t even remember what was overwhelming at the time. Maybe a break up or the perils of grad school. I don’t know. What I do know is that when I called my friend, she had a plan for me and it was immensely helpful to have someone tell me what to do to ground myself.

My friend encouraged me to do my 3 favorite yoga poses, drink water until it sloshes around, and to go outside even if it was just to check the mail (she knows how much I love getting mail). Having a list of “to dos” that was quick, supportive of my body, and tailored to me in that moment was incredibly helpful. I think back to that day, doing my favorite yoga poses in the kitchen with a belly full of water whenever I need grounding.

So my three things…

The first is  to put a reminder in your phone to do something for yourself. I usually recommend washing your face. I don’t know about you but that is the thing that goes out the window the quickest for me when I am stressed or emotionally overwhelmed. Taking a moment to wash off the day and soothe my skin with warmth and moisture is so restorative. So, if this is also something you leave behind when stressed or worry, put a reminder in your phone for about 30 minutes before the time you usually go bed and have two alerts. Then even if the baby is screaming or the dog is barking or the dinner has gotten cold while you attended to something else, you will have a minute or two to say to yourself you are valuable. If not a reminder to wash your face, set a reminder to do something else for just you. Have a drink of water, text a supportive friend, hug your pupper. Just something quick and simple to tell your body you are worth it. 

The second is to list 3 things you are grateful for. Having a gratitude practice is so powerful. It is something that changes the focus of your thinking out of the negative pretty quickly. It’s like when you buy a new car and then you start seeing that type or color of car everywhere. Our positive thoughts are like this too. If you focus on what you are grateful for, your mind will be more apt to pick out positives for the rest of the day.

The makers of the happify app say, “The benefits of practicing gratitude are nearly endless. People who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they're thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems.” I have certainly seen benefits in my own life and that of clients. I have had several who say that the practice was at certain times the only thing keeping them together.

The third thing is to say something nice about yourself. Maybe you are a good cook. Maybe you showered today. Maybe you rocked a meeting. Even if you are feeling like the worst, say something nice. It will lodge in your mind between the other things rolling around and might blossom into feeling better. Maybe it’s hard to think of something. Some days are like that. Do it anyway. You are awesome, I know it even if you don’t.

And if you are still feeling overwhelmed after doing these three things, go here for more ideas. https://www.mamathrivevillage.com/blog/what-to-do-when-you-are-emotionally-overwhelmed

Much love and don’t forget you’ve got this! You are amazing.