By Danielle D. Jenkins, PsyD

A hallmark of early parenthood, especially of early motherhood, is the feeling that this is not what I expected. Some people adjust easily to this reality and others take a while (and even some therapy) to fully integrate the difference between the expectation and reality. Right now, however, with a global pandemic, this difference between expectation and experience is widening. Women are experiencing changes to birth plans, an even greater lack of help and support, and likely some level of crisis while they are most vulnerable. The women I know who have just delivered are struggling with loneliness and fear.

So, we know things are not going to be as we expected or hoped for. That is hard. It is okay to grieve that. Give yourself space to grieve what you wanted and even planned for. It’s okay to be mad and sad that you have not had the experience you wanted (whether we are talking birth or postpartum). Let me say that again. You are allowed to have...

What new moms really need: how to be a doula for the women in your life

By Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD

There are lists and lists and lists about what stuff is actually necessary for a new baby or for entrance into motherhood. This isn’t one of those lists. The following are ways you can support the women in your life during the time that is such a mixed bag of emotion along with positive, intense, and horrific experiences. All of my life, dating back to childhood, I have been really good at caring for moms and babies and here’s some of what I’ve learned about what new moms actually need.

To be seen as a person not just a baby host

So many moms feel embarrassed to say that they are sometimes jealous of their babies or resentful of the attention friends and family members pay to their little one. However, resentment and jealousy are so common and so many women feel shameful about these feelings. Sometimes it is nice to just have someone truly see just you and...