A guest blog post by April Lovelace Simmons 

One of the most poignant emotions of motherhood, in my experience, has been longing. I have intense, heart aching longings that are as huge as the cosmos and as persistent and unignorable as birthing pains. Before becoming a mother, I wanted things, even longed for certain things- connection, true partnership, stability, motherhood itself. But I never experienced the overwhelming, conflicting, and indescribably intense longings that accompanied motherhood.

My entrance to motherhood was not simple, or natural, or beautiful. Becoming a mother took so many things from me that I never expected to lose- things that I didn’t even know a person could lose. All at once, in an avalanche of loss, my entire life and being slid into a mushy, yawning, all-encompassing sink hole of love and sacrifice. I loved my baby wildly, with complete abandon. But I also felt the betrayal of resentment at what this miracle had cost. I craved the autonomy...

by Danielle Jenkins, PsyD

By Danielle Jenkins, PsyD

Mother’s Day is here in the US. With Mother’s Day comes a spectrum of experiences and responses. The idea of Mother’s Day is sweet. A day we celebrate the Mother’s in our lives. The thing is that many women feel disappointed by the unmet expectations, overwhelmed by the ongoing mental load of motherhood, and the burden of planning celebrations for their mothers and mother-in-laws while taking care of their own families. The dirty secret is that a lot of moms aren’t real fans of Mother’s Day. If you are, that’s wonderful. Maybe this blog post will help you see why some people are not fans. If Mother’s Day feels like a chore or a trigger for grief, this article is most certainly for you.

Perhaps you’ve lost your mother. You may be grieving your mother’s death or abandonment. You might struggle to enjoy Mother’s Day because it reminds you of what you lost or maybe never had. Give yourself space...

By Danielle D. Jenkins, PsyD

A hallmark of early parenthood, especially of early motherhood, is the feeling that this is not what I expected. Some people adjust easily to this reality and others take a while (and even some therapy) to fully integrate the difference between the expectation and reality. Right now, however, with a global pandemic, this difference between expectation and experience is widening. Women are experiencing changes to birth plans, an even greater lack of help and support, and likely some level of crisis while they are most vulnerable. The women I know who have just delivered are struggling with loneliness and fear.

So, we know things are not going to be as we expected or hoped for. That is hard. It is okay to grieve that. Give yourself space to grieve what you wanted and even planned for. It’s okay to be mad and sad that you have not had the experience you wanted (whether we are talking birth or postpartum). Let me say that again. You are allowed to have...

Is it common? Is it normal? 

By Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD 

People ask me all the time if they are normal and if what they do or are going through is normal. I don't often answer that question with a clear yes or no. Well sometimes I do. Is it normal to have anxiety as a parent, yes! Normal and common! A little anxiety is very normal and actually helps you be a better parent. A lot of anxiety is common but not healthy. 

Meriam Webster defines common as occurring or appearing frequently. Webster defines normal as usual or ordinary; not strange; mentally and physically healthy. So here's the deal, maternal mental health disorders are common. Not what we could, by definition, call normal, but unfortunately extremely common.

Baby Blues 

About 80% of women experience the “baby blues,” including sadness, confusion, and crying. This usually resolves within two weeks. This makes it both common and normal. If the symptoms do not resolve within 10-14 days or...