By Danielle D. Jenkins, PsyD

A hallmark of early parenthood, especially of early motherhood, is the feeling that this is not what I expected. Some people adjust easily to this reality and others take a while (and even some therapy) to fully integrate the difference between the expectation and reality. Right now, however, with a global pandemic, this difference between expectation and experience is widening. Women are experiencing changes to birth plans, an even greater lack of help and support, and likely some level of crisis while they are most vulnerable. The women I know who have just delivered are struggling with loneliness and fear.

So, we know things are not going to be as we expected or hoped for. That is hard. It is okay to grieve that. Give yourself space to grieve what you wanted and even planned for. It’s okay to be mad and sad that you have not had the experience you wanted (whether we are talking birth or postpartum). Let me say that again. You are allowed to have...

By Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD

Infertility can be a huge burden. I’ve had friends, family, and clients share how isolating, scary, and overwhelming infertility can be. Some people choose to keep their experience and process to themselves while others are very open about it. Either way, it can be hard to know which path is best for you. MamaThriveVillage  has some tips.

Keep the circle small. Choose wisely. If you know someone is very opinionated about assisted reproduction or know you will have to do a lot of explaining, it may not be best to include them in your process, especially at the beginning or right before or during an important time (picking a donor, embryo transfer, or other procedure). Have a few people who will support you on bad days and respect your need to pull back if you need to. Choose people who will keep your story to themselves. 

You might be surprised by who these people turn out to be. That’s normal. You might find that one parent (or set...

by Danielle Jenkins, PsyD

So, there’s a concept in psychology that I talk about all the time with my clients. “The Good Enough Mother.” This phrase was coined by Donald Winnicott. When doing research on thousands of babies and their interactions with their mothers, he observed that babies and children actually benefit when mothers make manageable mistakes. The great news with his research (and lots of subsequent research) is that children not only do not need us to be perfect, they actually benefit when we make mistakes and recover or apologize when needed.

This is great news, especially right now in the midst of a pandemic and kids being home from daycare and school. While some families are living their best lives right now, many are navigating tricky and stressful family dynamics. Home schooling may not have been their dream come true. Coworking with their partner with babies and toddlers underfoot is also not ideal for most of us. Tensions will get high and...

By Danielle Jenkins, PsyD 

You are probably overwhelmed with the amount of info coming your way in these wild times. As schools are closing and we are practicing social distancing, here are some ways to stay healthy and mentally well while things are shifting around you.

Stay Active

Staying active is one of the most important ways we can support our bodies and minds in times of stress, illness, and isolation. As we practice social distancing, we need to remain as active as possible. Going for walks and playing outside are great for keeping us feeling our best mentally and physically. Do a jumping jack challenge with your kiddos or challenge everyone in the house to see how many sit ups or push-ups you can do. Set up the living room as a gymnastics zone for a day or so and have a talent show to show off everyone’s routines (you have to practice to be good). Great way to fill time off from school and stay active.

Boost Your Immune System

As the possibility of...

A guest blog by April Lovelace Simmons

In the first few weeks of motherhood, as a women recovers from growing a complete human and then forcefully expelling it from her body, there is a lot of uncertainty. The new mother is uncertain of her new life and role. The freshly minted father wonders how to care for his wife, precious new baby, and if he will ever have time to play video games again. Friends and caregivers anxiously attempt to anticipate needs and take bets on who will be the little newbie’s babysitter of choice. With her world so unsettled and resources so deprived, the new mother begins to wonder how she will fill obligations outside of healing her body and caring for a newborn. Thus, she turns to her phone and reads endless lists and blogs and posts and pins so she knows what to expect… and what others expect. To aid her in this crucial search, I have composed an exhaustive and definitive list of the seven things that every new mom should absolutely never...

By Darcy Sauers of https://www.thedouladarcy.com/

Having a baby is one of life’s biggest transitions and greatest joys. However, many mothers find themselves feeling extremely isolated and overwhelmed during the postpartum period after the initial excitement, adrenaline and stream of visitors has subsided.

Hiring a postpartum doula can help reverse those feelings and provide the support that new mothers need to instead have a maternity leave that is filled with feelings of contentment and empowerment.

Postpartum doulas are non-medical professionals who provide new families with hands-on support as well as evidence-based information on newborn care, feeding and mom’s physical recovery.

Here are the top 5 benefits of hiring a postpartum doula:

1. More enjoyable maternity leave – Postpartum doulas help ease the transition for new parents. Having a baby is a major life change.  Postpartum doulas are there to calmly support you through the shift and help you focus on...

By Danielle D. Jenkins, PsyD

Matrescence is a term created by Dana Raphael to define the time in a woman’s life as she moves from pre-conception through the postpartum period and beyond. It is a critical period that is full of transition, identity shifts, and hormonal fluctuations. It’s a term that is starting to become more well-known and an experience that is felt by everyone who becomes a mom.

Aurélie Athan, Ph.D. says this about matrescence, “The process of becoming a mother, coined by Dana Raphael, Ph.D. (1973), is a developmental passage where a woman transitions through pre-conception, pregnancy and birth, surrogacy or adoption, to the postnatal period and beyond. The exact length of matrescence is individual, recurs with each child, and may arguably last a lifetime! The scope of the changes encompass multiple domains --bio-psycho-social-political-spiritual-- and can be likened to the developmental push of adolescence.”

And just as...

By Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD

If you are having a rough day, having a simple recipe of self-care and self-nurturance can help immensely. I can remember this day as if it were yesterday even though it was probably close to ten years ago. I was losing my sh*t and I sent the SOS to my best friend. I don’t even remember what was overwhelming at the time. Maybe a break up or the perils of grad school. I don’t know. What I do know is that when I called my friend, she had a plan for me and it was immensely helpful to have someone tell me what to do to ground myself.

My friend encouraged me to do my 3 favorite yoga poses, drink water until it sloshes around, and to go outside even if it was just to check the mail (she knows how much I love getting mail). Having a list of “to dos” that was quick, supportive of my body, and tailored to me in that moment was incredibly helpful. I think back to that day, doing my favorite yoga poses in the kitchen with a belly full of...

How paying attention to your cycle can improve your mental health.

 by Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD

Maybe you come from a family that celebrated your “moon time” or had a “period party” when you blossomed into womanhood or maybe you came from a family that never talked about your “shark week” at all. No matter what level of communication you grew up with, for menstruating people, there is unlocked potential in understanding, observing, and tracking the menstrual cycle. In my private practice, it is one of the many things that was not part of my training but is certainly a big part of how I practice.

I first started looking into this at the urging of a naturopath I saw briefly after I mentioned that there were just some times in the month where I had no energy to do any of my house chores at all. I did a very simple version of energy and mood tracking but it wasn’t until I joined Kate Northrup’s online women’s business collective...

Why can’t I be happy?

By Danielle D Jenkins, PsyD

I frequently have friends, family, and women I see in my private practice say, “I have everything I’ve ever wanted and I still can’t be happy.” They go on to describe that they have the fulfillment of most of the things they ever wanted and yet feel unable to connect to it or feel happy about it. This is actually quite universal. It is common to feel this way after any big thing in our lives – weddings, graduations, new homes, retirements. Often people expect to feel one way about something and then feel many other things on top of that one feeling.

Feelings are complex

One of the double-edged realities of adulthood is we feel multiple things simultaneously. Sometimes this works out to be a gift and sometimes it makes for a lot of confusion. The way we talk about feelings is that they are isolated, individual emotions that come and go as directed and expected. This just isn’t true. We...